Queasiness

Niacin or Vitamin B3 is being studied currently as a means to slow or prevent altzheimers disease. Sadly, my grandmother had altzheimers but none of us realized it until the autopsy results. We just thought she was weird from forever. A funny old bird. She died back in 1983 but my fear of altzheimers' lingers. I started taking niacin after hearing about this study on genetically altered rats who come down with memory loss. Starting to take niacin now, I feel badly for those rats because the niacin is making me queasy, shaky and really exhausted. On top of myofascial syndrome, this is not a good thing. So I am stopping the niacin to see if the nausea goes away. If it does, then I will feel (a) much better but (b) keep worrying about how to prevent the memory loss. Perhaps I will take a lower dose and see how that works out.

What to do for Health Insurance

http://www.nahu.org/ National Association of Heath Underwriters might be a useful link to use when we are trying to wean off the COBRA and/or if SNR tanks....

Annie

The Sun Will Also Rise
This painting includes this simple phrase: "Though the sun is setting today, it will also rise tomorrow".
The deeper meaning:Maybe today is over as the man rides alone into the sunset.Maybe today was not a perfect day.But don't give up, tomorrow is another day with new possibilities and opportunities.
The Chinese characters on the left is the title phrase that I translated into English above along with the artist's signature.
The story and information above was inspired by a long conversation I had with the artist about this piece.

http://www.orientaloutpost.com/the_sun_will_rise_again__chinese_philosophy_painting.php

Juseige

I hate phonics because it truly messes up my spelling of foreign words. The juseige is the prayer of the three treasures in buddhism. I find it helps me a lot to take a step back in my second-to-second reality which can freak me out if I look at it too closely. I don't speak or read Japanese which is what the ju se ge is written in but even saying it aloud is a comfort to me. I sets me up to step back when events fly into my face and words swirl around my head so I can stay calm.
Here is a link to use when I am used up...and tense...and feel lost

http://www.vbtemple.org/daily_tradition/juseige_wav.htm

Until there is peace, may be peace be

Aces

Today's card from Astrology is this ace of pentacles card which "... suggests that my power today lies in assets or seeds. I have everything I need to co-create my own reality. I have value and I matter. I am empowered to nurture and tend to my own garden of purpose. I bring new life into the world." So my question today to myself is what exactly are my assets, are my seeds to plant for the future? Counting blessings instead of debits...is a tough assignment for me at the best of times but here goes. (1) Animals, (2) writing, (3) artwork, (4) organization, (5) empathy, (6) working at the cattery with troubled animals and helping them trust again. I suspect step 6 is one I need to do with myself. Working to 'trust' myself and my gifts -- not automatically thinking I am less than but equal to -- my challenges, my friends, my situations.

Anger and the Middle Way

I muddled my way through yesterday mired in fear. I am muddling my way today angry as anything. Why? Because of the cats, the job, the lack of progress on my job search. Grrrrrrrr

Fear

As a generalized anxiety disorder person, fear shadows my every day activities. Sometimes it is so bad, my throat closes down. Sometimes it is not present at all and I can breathe. For years I attributed my throat closing with GAD, only to find out it also included asthma. Who knew? I sure didn't. But I digress. The only times I don't feel this is when I am with my cats. So what's a cast-off legal secretary to do. The only job I am experienced in is legal. But legal jobs are high stress, especially in these economic times. Retool with the hope of getting into a lower stress job? Are there any lower stress jobs? Are there jobs I like? My laundry list is: library jobs and animal care jobs. Writing is high stress even though it is a solitary activity if only because what I write gets read by people I do not know. Bad? Good? I don't know. I just know I don't like to be challenged about things I have done because even when I check as I did this morning, endlessly about the spelling of a name, I continued to misspell it over 3 times. That is a concerning feature with the way gad and fear affects me. My ability to see clearly goes down the higher my stress goes up. It is a good thing I am not in the line for president.

Something to Think about

Claiming what is already Mine. Valuable Cosmic Advice hit my email today in the form of my Daily Feng Shui Tip for Friday, November 7 which I am shamelessly pasting in here to remind me that I have things that I don't even realize. -- "Today is National Magazine Day and since I write a monthly column for my favorite one in the whole world, I want to share how else, besides just reading the great content and getting great advice, we can use the pages of these periodicals. Making a treasure map will help you mine all the booty you that believe belongs to you. Take a few magazines that speak to your particular proclivities and sensitivities and cut a collage of representative pictures from its pages. Paste or tape those pictures to a piece of poster board, making your own personal vision map or basic life blueprint. Make sure to symbolize every little special something that you would like to see come to you, and then place this map where you see it upon awakening in the morning and before you fall asleep at night. This is yet another great way to make all your dreams come true!
Warm Regards,Ellen Whitehurst"

Possession or Possessions

Being owned, being possessed worries me.

Image - copyright 1998 Lo Scarabeo S.r.l. The Four of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in possession. I choose not to be bound, identified, or paralyzed by ownership, possessions or means in order that I may always have a free hand and room to grow. I am practical, responsible, and determined about protecting my purpose or advocating for my resources. I am empowered by the status quo and my asset is value.

Being popular, being 'in demand,' is a worrying concept for me. I don't really allow myself to be liked or needed. It tends to make me feel -- well -- weird. I know, I know. If I didn't like to be liked, then why do I volunteer at the cattery or help listen to my girls or listen to folks at work. Why? Do I want to be liked? Do I want to be accepted? Sure. I want to be liked. Sure. I want to be someone who is looked for as a necessary ingredient in the mix of people at an office. Sure. I want to be needed at the cattery. But being needed has the automatic responsibility of how to say 'no' to folks who need too much and makes me worry about how to balance my priorities with people who need me. My weekends essentially are gone at this point because I spend so much of my time at the cattery and return exhausted and needing long naps to recuperate. My mid-mornings to early afternoons each weekday are gone now with my part time job. Note, I am not complaining about these two obligations. It is just that time trickles away. I am not sure whether I can handle a third job. I just don't know whether I can go right after my 2 pm quitting time directly into another job that will run until 6 pm in the northern part of the county. My commute will increase, my time with my cats will decrease. My bank account will have potentially 10 more hours of fees that the clients will pay. But at the trade off of helping a long time client who has a prior claim on my loyalty although not on my bank account. Balance. Balance. What to do? I need the quiet of my cats to consult with on this issue before broaching it with my client. Self possession or possessed by possessions. Tough to decide somedays around here.


Until peace, may all beings know peace.

Mental Attitude and the Election

The little engine that could....'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can' could easily be used to define this amazing run for the presidency that came to a successful vote yesterday. I gave up watching the news last night because of the constant flux in the voting results for Virginia. And woke up twice last night. First to a phone call from my youngest daughter about Obama's win. Second to a text message from my older daughter again about Obama's win. I got up this morning at 5 am because I couldn't contain my happiness at the outcome. I don't know when I have been so 'invested' in an outcome. As a Buddhist, I know that's not a good thing -- investing in outcomes. Staying in the moment is better. But as a long-time resident of Red State Virginia, I knew this would be a tough fight for Obama and the democrats. And especially for Obama because Virginia was the headquarters of the Confederacy and we still have folks who celebrate the Confederacy (with a capital 'C') as well as have rebel flags flying in the state. In fact, our major roads (outside of the Fairfax County area) are renamed for confederate generals and raiders. "Mosby Woods", John Mosby Highway, Lee Highway are just a few that come to mind immediately. It is very confusing to those who haven't lived 'in-state' long. So this election was all about the mental attitude of those who organized it, ran hundreds of volunteer phone and organizing groups, and get out the vote volunteers. "I think I can" which became Obama's chant of "Yes, We Can" is now "Yes, We Did". And I am happy from the bottom of my heart.

Another Oreo Picture

One very smart cat. Oreo came into the Shelter on her own paws from our feral population. She was not doing very well due to a herpes infection that totally messed up her nasal passage. She is doing much better now but still sneezing so she is still in the isolation unit to give her a chance to get over that issue. But she is very loving and whenever I pick her up, she snuggles into my arms like she never wants to let go. One of the big pluses about helping with these cats is the amazing amount of love that is stored in such tiny animals. Big hearts, bitty critters.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Under the Rug Cat

First time on this page! Tada!! My under the rug cat. Just turn your computer sideways to get a perfect picture:)

Oh, Good Grief

This falls under my general "Oh, good grief" category....

My daily grind card from iVillage.com is one I am seeing over and over this year. Death comes to my attention often in readings -- whether Tarot or other ways. I am challenged by it. Forced against my nature to confront endings and accept them.

Here, for instance, is today's reading below (which I have copied in full from the iVillage email). And I note, that while Death is a tough card, the reading is good and scarily accurate.


The Personal Accountability Card position:

Suggests inner strengths, challenges, traits, or personal goals that may affect perception or results of current stage or level of mastery. The Death in this position suggests that you may be feeling helpless in the face of major change, perhaps in your position or career. Everything you thought you knew or understood may have come crumbling down at your feet, and you must now find a way to accept and release your attachment so that you can move forward. You may feel fear, anguish, or great loss at this time, but the sun will rise again, and so shall you.

In general, the Death is quite powerful, but it almost never refers to actual physical death. At its most basic level, Death is the letting go of the old to make way for the new. This is not always a pleasant experience, as you may be forced to accept the conclusion of one state in order to move on, or transition to another. It is time to get back to basics and become ready to re-emerge as the Phoenix. To do so will enable you to become more fully who you are meant to be, either as an individual, as part of a whole nation under one flag, or even through a whole new world view. Death suggests that you accept certain changes as inevitable. Mourn if you feel so moved, but believe that new Life comes on the heels of Death. It is nothing personal, it just is.

Current Developments:

The Current Developments position offers insight into present agenda, major themes or milestones, or other important circumstances, as well as suggestions for anticipated results.
The Three of Cups (reversed) in this position suggests that you may be experiencing the initial "fruits of your harvest." Perhaps working together as a team you have been able to accomplish a milestone on the road to success, and you are now celebrating, rejoicing, or sharing your happiness with others. There may be a party, reception, or other festivity, or social gathering in the making. In addition, you may be feeling a sense of camaraderie, patriotism, or some such team spirit that facilitates encouragement, support, and sharing. You are definitely not alone, but standing together with a common goal. For some, this could also mean initiation or acceptance into a sorority, fraternity, company, or other like-minded organization, group, or society. You are being reminded, however, to lighten up a bit, and trust in the good things in life.

In general, the Three of Cups represents Abundance or Resolution, and it can generally be taken as a "Yes" to your question. This card can also represent profit, cancellation, hedonism, an emotional or impractical agreement, a reunion, a ceremony, spiritual awakening, or the price to pay for too much of a good thing. The Three of Cups can also be seen or experienced in the more contemporary expression of exuberance otherwise known as a spontaneous group hug, or "high five."

It's the Economy, Stupid! (Rant 2)

When most of the jobs advertised are with (a) the police, (b) the military, (c) Homeland Security, (d) military contractors, (e) the prison system, and (f) mental health facilities, I know opportunities for English/Humanities majors have all dried up. What's a writer to do? Write for newspapers? Write for blogs? Write for Huffington Press? Arrggh! Or go into politics? It must be near Halloween 'cause all the choices above are scarey......

Peace,

Stuttering

http://news.goldseek.com/RickAckerman/1195390620.php

Wow, just when I thought folks were truly hoodwinked by Bernanke, I ran across this post from 2007 that I linked to above. Sigh, if only others were as observant. If only I knew Bernanke stuttered when he was under pressure. Now, folks, I know stuttering because I do it too when I am beyond my limits. How nice those in high positions are vulnerable to something I do too. Low or High we all are fundamentally the same. No matter what ... no matter how many houses ... no matter how much money ... no matter how poor ... no matter how harmed. No matter

Until Peace Matters
Know Peace Inside

Monoculture Monopolies

Monoculture agriculture is a dangerous thing to do. The plants are specifically selected to survive but are unable to protect themselves against various plant fungus, diseases or plagues. Look at the Irish Potato Famine of the 1840s. Pretending that a monoculture agriculture is a good thing is disingenuous. Pretending that monopolies are a good thing is disingenuous. All you have to do is look at Wall Street and all the mergers, buyouts, extreme financial toolkits. We need to be wary of fancy names for things and ask questions. From ARMS to mark-to market and the list goes on. Traunchs, 401Ks, retirement plans. If the country chooses Bernanke to continue, we are skunked. He presided over scaring the hell out of Wall Street and contributing to this crash. His only credential pre-chairman status was to preside over Goldman Sachs, one of the big winners in the 700B bailout. And how odd it is that Lehman Brothers was not bailed out. How very odd. If we choose Bernanke as chairman going forward, doesn't that reward him for Lehman Brothers being forced into its' own particular economy disaster. Wall Street, economic titans and financial monocultures need to be changed and changed now.

Retooling for the Future

There are a lot of phrases I have run into (smack) a lot as I go forward on my quest for the elusive job here in Northern Virginia. "Re-tool" "redefine" "product packaging" "the product called 'me'" are just some of the phrases I have heard. And ultimately it comes down to knowing who I am and what I want. Want...need. Because I am who I am, I question what is a want -- ice cream -- versue need -- a place to live, food to feed the cats and me and the kids. I have cut back on the 'ice creams' in my life. And thought hard about any other expense I have. What I haven't cut back on are my automatic donations for homeless shelters for abused women and pets (AHIMSA House in Atlanta, Georgia and animal shelters post-Katrina -- AlleyCats and others). Those are a small chunk of change each month that adds up. But honestly if no one continues to give then these organizations will go under. So finding a full time job that pays something close to a living wage becomes critical. And there is nothing out here. Yet. I am still looking. I am still voting for Obama. I am still worried about Wall Street eating all my 401K money and savings. I am still worried that unless we invest in ourselves instead of Enron, Wall Street, K Street Lobbyists, we will sink under our own debts and become those of the dispossessed who are homeless, in shelters, needing a place of safety for themselves and their animals, swamped by this paperless tsunami that sucks our money away.

What would Boost the Economy?

Stimulus packages....viagra economics. Disgusting concept for someone like me. The $400 pittance was not stimulus. Made the national debt go higher. What would make the economy better is what worked in the Great Depression...only updated. If we decide to help the homeless, work in veteran hospitals, retool to work in schools, on infra-structure green projects, the government would be well advised to invest in us. Not tax us. Make loans available for those of us out of work who need to retool. Invest in companies that keep the jobs in the U.S. Refuse to bail out the rich. Redefine the middle class. Those of us making $30-50 are middle class. Those who make more than $150,000 and $200,000 are likely better off that we are.

What Am I Afraid Of

This election....lots of fears. I was recently let go from my job of 15 years. So I am working part time at 2 jobs and making the equivalent of one of my former paychecks. Watching the election proceed at the stately pace of a train wreck. Knowing the lessons of 2001. Knowing the way things have been stolen from Americans and stolen from me personally. Watching us go to war in Iraq with no one to listen to those of us in the "omg" group saying that it was a wag the dog scenario. Watching Wall Street crash with Bernanke and Polson (aka B&P) helping the crash with their own wag the dog talk. I have a bumper sticker on my car that says (in latin of course) 'never say bite me to a vampire' that could be written again as 'never say crash to Wall Street'. After B&P blew the whistle on the final play, it was inevitable that not only Wall Street would crash, but also the other world economies who tried to make a 'fast buck' here in this country by buying up those mortgages with shaky or no vetting by the banks who were ladling out the money would be pulled into the whirlpool. Truly, I am afraid of money. It buys things ... elections, wars, bank crashes. And those wars, crashs and failing economies are blamed on those of us who never had the money to gain by going to war, getting elections bought, making banks crash to get 700B in bailouts. So yes, fear is really present for me. And I am one of the lucky ones who has a voice and a vote and the intelligence to worry about this. I am reacting intellectually rather than emotionally. I come from a long term stock holding family, house holding family. I never regarded investments as anything more than those classic legacies to be passed down to our children...not debts. But what the hell, I am just an old time WASP standing around watching a train wreck in slow motion....so, what do I know?

Getting Out The Vote

Getting out the vote in the United States used to be good, clean, pre-halloween work. Tiny groups of 'encouragers' would wander from house to house asking for support on election day. Those groups are still out there and cuter than ever in all their election gear. Trick-or-Treat for grownups (?) and voters. I question the grownups though when I see the stories about voter fraud supposedly committed by ACORN set up by Pres. Jimmy Carter and now vilified by republicans as a terrorist/corrupt/dishonest -- name the adjective -- organization. I question the grownups when I see online ads for voting early on my mapquestion where a McCain/Palin link leads voters to register online. Sauce for the Goose is Sauce for the Gander. If McCain/Palin can link to sites like that, surely the Democratic party is doing the same thing. And the 'get-out-the-vote' groups going house to house are doing the same thing. And ACORN was doing the same thing having volunteers go to places we (as white bread Americans) don't think about -- homeless shelters, nursing homes, other gathering places of the under-appreciated in America that I can't remember right now because I am a white bread American and have no experience with them. But ACORN does because of its commitment to support those of us who have no voice, no standing and who are as invisible as the ghosts of Halloween or Christmas past. Those are the ones who really have a Stake in this Election.

Until peace is here
Peace Now