There was a segment on Ace of Cakes tonight that absolutely restores my faith that I can continue to deal with life on life's terms. One of the guys dropped a cake and totally destroyed it. He told the customer he'd be back in 5 1/2 hours with a new cake. And he did. This is just like so much life my life right now. The 'come back' kid. Just pull myself together, no more feeling stuck in the old job and the new anger at the situation. The old ways don't work. So now to find ways that do work. Life takes action, beauty, passion. The glue for the heartbreak? The scissors for cutting the cord? The picture below says it all. Keep on fishing.
May 29, 2008
Syncopation...the upbeats of music. The hand of the conductor rises as he/she signs to the orchestra. Loss is a lot like syncopation, I think. It makes me stop, watch the conductor and breathe before attacking the next phrase of music or the next phase of life. Be blessed
I say yes, grief is good in some instances. Grieving (really good grieving) involves letting go of prior assumptions, prior jobs, prior relationships, prior life experiences that become habits. Like me having coffee before I go to sleep. Habits. Letting go of midnight coffee? Unthinkable. Impossible. I would be so sad to have to do that. It would be tough. And yet that is such a small thing for me to get used to considering that my friends and I have been laid off from the law firm I worked at for 15 years. 15 years. The grief is hitting me on many levels. The habit of going into work. The habit of having friends at work I won't be seeing anymore. The habit of having cash handy for things like cat food and rent and gas for my car. Letting go of the assumption that if I work hard and stay focused, management will value me. Letting go of the fallacy that having longevity would protect me from being let go. But it is 'just business.' Nothing personal. To someone reviewing the law firm financial sheets, I am just red ink on a ledger. Not worth the heath insurance, not worth the salary, the overtime, the carrying cost of paying for vacation that I hardly ever take. A few years ago, this assessment by strangers who didn't have my interest at heart would have devastated me. Today? It is a bump in my road because I know I am so much more than a blot of red ink on a page. I am worth so much more. To myself, to my family, to my cats, to the cattery, to my dreams. So I redraft myself into what and who I am. A dreamer, an artist, a writer, a creative soul. Stay strong, stay in the game of life, continue to be .... the bee. Buzz.
May 22, 2008
As I go through life, I find each person more and more unique. Sure, some like Ted Kennedy and Bill Buckley are way up in the stratosphere. Theodore Rilke and the psalmists are beyond the beyond. But ordinary folks are not ordinary and should never be counted out. So when critics say that no one stands up anymore for the good in a community or no one gives as much as "they" do, or no one is as smart or as "whatever" it is they are, they do us all a dis-service. We all stand up. In our own ways, in our own lives, in our own selves. We reach, we totter (sometimes when we stand) but we get there. In our own time, in our own way, we all get there.
Be at peace today....
May 20, 2008
My hearing is wacky. I hear 5 by 5. However, what I hear is often not what is said. Case in point was a story from c-span yesterday. I heard "slaw" but the reporter was talking about the flaws in the political system today. It costs enormous amounts of money to get elected and once elected, each representative or senator is caught up in a web of needing money and not having time to dedicate to the job of representing the voters -- aka the rest of us. Oh, the reporter didn't say that directly but my mind heard the word "slaw" and "flaw" simultaneously and my impression comes from the comparison of those two words. Actually given the politics of this election, "slaw" is probably the right way to describe what is going on. After 18 months of electioneering, I feel like I have been through a coleslaw chopper. I have a fall back candidate I will vote for no matter what. But it is not a fun campaign anymore. It is just as grim as the clouds in the sky over Myamar (also known as Burma) or the after shocks plaguing China. This was a classic mishearing on my part. I have had them many times. For me, mishearing is a way to enlightenment. For others...well, each takes information in their own way. Some read newspapers and remain covered with newsprint but uninformed. They spout facts like fountains spout water. And some of those newsprint covered people are awesome. They rise above the facts to see what all those facts are hiding. I muddle along in my own way, gathering facts and hearing dissonances. From slaw to flaw, I leave you with a wish for peace today.
From "The Pocket Dalai Lama," edited by Mary Craig, 2002. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com. '
May 12, 2008
May 7, 2008
You have got to watch this on YouTube. The guy is an amazing singer. Truly awesome. Kaspar Ny
May 5, 2008
my particular favorite quote from this link is
(in 1901; pressed by the new American administration to wear clothes, they moved up to Saipan).
I dunno which I find funnier...folks leaving because they were told to wear clothes or the language about being "pressed" to wear clothes. I have an mental image of a person being run through the old fashioned 'mangle' of a washing machine to wear clothes. No wonder those Guam-ians ran. Here is a link to a mangle which contains a picture of what I am talking about. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangle_%28machine%29
From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2001. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.