May 29, 2008

Charm City Cakes - Cake Disaster Recovery Show

There was a segment on Ace of Cakes tonight that absolutely restores my faith that I can continue to deal with life on life's terms.  One of the guys dropped a cake and totally destroyed it.  He told the customer he'd be back in 5 1/2 hours with a new cake.  And he did.  This is just like so much life my life right now.  The 'come back' kid.  Just pull myself together, no more feeling stuck in the old job and the new anger at the situation.  The old ways don't work.  So now to find ways that do work.  Life takes action, beauty, passion.  The glue for the heartbreak?  The scissors for cutting the cord?  The picture below says it all.  Keep on fishing.zengonefishingforlife

Brandenberg Concerto and Syncopation

Syncopation...the upbeats of music.  The hand of the conductor rises as he/she signs to the orchestra.  Loss is a lot like syncopation, I think.  It makes me stop, watch the conductor and breathe before attacking the next phrase of music or the next phase of life.  Be blessedpraycat

Good there such a thing?

I say yes, grief is good in some instances. Grieving (really good grieving) involves letting go of prior assumptions, prior jobs, prior relationships, prior life experiences that become habits. Like me having coffee before I go to sleep. Habits. Letting go of midnight coffee? Unthinkable. Impossible. I would be so sad to have to do that. It would be tough. And yet that is such a small thing for me to get used to considering that my friends and I have been laid off from the law firm I worked at for 15 years. 15 years. The grief is hitting me on many levels. The habit of going into work. The habit of having friends at work I won't be seeing anymore. The habit of having cash handy for things like cat food and rent and gas for my car. Letting go of the assumption that if I work hard and stay focused, management will value me. Letting go of the fallacy that having longevity would protect me from being let go. But it is 'just business.' Nothing personal. To someone reviewing the law firm financial sheets, I am just red ink on a ledger. Not worth the heath insurance, not worth the salary, the overtime, the carrying cost of paying for vacation that I hardly ever take. A few years ago, this assessment by strangers who didn't have my interest at heart would have devastated me. Today? It is a bump in my road because I know I am so much more than a blot of red ink on a page. I am worth so much more. To myself, to my family, to my cats, to the cattery, to my dreams. So I redraft myself into what and who I am. A dreamer, an artist, a writer, a creative soul. Stay strong, stay in the game of life, continue to be .... the bee. Buzz.


How To Become a Holistic Veterinarian |

How To Become a Holistic Veterinarian | 


May 22, 2008

Creativity or Standing Out to Stand Up

You wouldn't know it, perhaps, from the fact I keep a blog online to rant and rave in and lament and giggle at the events of the day. But, basically, I am a shy person. Not given to accepting the notice of others easily. Staying under the "radar" is tough though. I have a small gift of putting together words and images that I create. When I step out of the way and let a drawing or a phrase come those are the ones I find the easiest to stay true to. To do quickly to completion. A thought, a line on a page, a breathe, and done. So far, so good. When I show my creations to others, though, that's another story. Creativity sets each of us apart. Some people are creative in how they walk, talk, live, think. Creativity isn't about art, poetry, sculpture ... Creativity is about being. And that's a gift all of us have. No one teaches us that in school so we don't value it in ourselves. So when people "oooh" and "ahhh" at cards I make or sayings I coin and say I am creative, I cringe. I am not any different than they are....they have just been trained to think they are ordinary. We are all menches. We are all wanderlings in our own world -- as separate as the moon from the earth and as needed to maintain balance as we spin through life. A zen buddhist page I go to often has a listing on this aspect of ourselves.

As I go through life, I find each person more and more unique. Sure, some like Ted Kennedy and Bill Buckley are way up in the stratosphere. Theodore Rilke and the psalmists are beyond the beyond. But ordinary folks are not ordinary and should never be counted out. So when critics say that no one stands up anymore for the good in a community or no one gives as much as "they" do, or no one is as smart or as "whatever" it is they are, they do us all a dis-service. We all stand up. In our own ways, in our own lives, in our own selves. We reach, we totter (sometimes when we stand) but we get there. In our own time, in our own way, we all get there.
Be at peace today....

May 20, 2008

I love my auditory process

My hearing is wacky. I hear 5 by 5. However, what I hear is often not what is said. Case in point was a story from c-span yesterday. I heard "slaw" but the reporter was talking about the flaws in the political system today. It costs enormous amounts of money to get elected and once elected, each representative or senator is caught up in a web of needing money and not having time to dedicate to the job of representing the voters -- aka the rest of us. Oh, the reporter didn't say that directly but my mind heard the word "slaw" and "flaw" simultaneously and my impression comes from the comparison of those two words. Actually given the politics of this election, "slaw" is probably the right way to describe what is going on. After 18 months of electioneering, I feel like I have been through a coleslaw chopper. I have a fall back candidate I will vote for no matter what. But it is not a fun campaign anymore. It is just as grim as the clouds in the sky over Myamar (also known as Burma) or the after shocks plaguing China. This was a classic mishearing on my part. I have had them many times. For me, mishearing is a way to enlightenment. For others...well, each takes information in their own way. Some read newspapers and remain covered with newsprint but uninformed. They spout facts like fountains spout water. And some of those newsprint covered people are awesome. They rise above the facts to see what all those facts are hiding. I muddle along in my own way, gathering facts and hearing dissonances. From slaw to flaw, I leave you with a wish for peace today.

Energy Saver Saying of the Day

When other beings, especially those who hold a grudge against you, abuse and harm you out of envy, you should not abandon them, but hold them as objects of your greatest compassion and take care of them.-
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
From "The Pocket Dalai Lama," edited by Mary Craig, 2002. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, '
Got this in the mail today. If I held onto all the grudges I have had, I would be 3 feet underground just trying to carry them around.
May all beings know peace,

May 12, 2008 Listening

One of the reasons I turned to Judaism is to become pro-active in my spirituality. Not needing rescue. Wrestling with the ways of the angels and G*d. Wrestling with who I am in a world where we are defined by our names, our national identification numbers, what party we vote for, what gender, what size, what age... Mayahanan Buddhism and also with that Zen Buddhism is less wrestling and more listening and perhaps that is why I am gravitating to those views more and more. Less is more. Listening for the Buddha calling back to me as I say the amidah. Listening to the rain patter on my roof. Listening to the semi-feral fox coming onto my porch to eat food I put out for feral cats. Listening.....

May 5, 2008


Why do we still have these protectorates? Guam certainly looks lovely but ... if it is such a strategic prize, why haven't we made it a state?

Senator Obama and Guam--on Guam

Here is a link on Guam.

my particular favorite quote from this link is

(in 1901; pressed by the new American administration to wear clothes, they moved up to Saipan).

I dunno which I find funnier...folks leaving because they were told to wear clothes or the language about being "pressed" to wear clothes. I have an mental image of a person being run through the old fashioned 'mangle' of a washing machine to wear clothes. No wonder those Guam-ians ran. Here is a link to a mangle which contains a picture of what I am talking about.

Quotes for Comfort

Sometimes I find pure poetry on line....

Living for ...

Do not go after the past, Nor lose yourself in the future. For the past no longer exists,
And the future is not yet here. By looking deeply at things just as they are,
In this moment, here and now, The seeker lives calmly and freely.
You should be attentive today, For waiting until tomorrow is too late.
Death can come and take us by surprise--How can we gainsay it?
The one who knows
How to live attentively Night and day
Is the one who knows the best way to be independent.
-Bhaddekaratta Sutra
From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2001. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston,