You've Got to be Carefully Taught

You've got to be taught, To hate and fear, You've got to be taught, From year to Year, It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, You've got to be carefully taught, You've got to be taught, To be Afraid, Of people whose eyes are oddly made, And people whose skin, Is a different shade, You've got to be carefully taught, You've got to be taught, Before it's too late, Before you are 6 or 7 or 8, To hate all the people your relatives hate, You've got to be carefully taught http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/southpacific/youvegottobecarefullytaught.htm
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Of all the irritating lyrics I heard as a kid, this one tops the list. Even worse than "The Sound of Music" Preachy, goody-two-shoes, and self satisfied. Arrgh.

Yet those words are the most powerful commentary I know on what happened at Virginia Tech. On all sides, there is concern. Concern. Concern for the shooter who felt hated and obviously wanted bloody revenge. Concern for the students who were killed. Concern for the psych docs who said he posed no threat. Concern for the school and for the teachers for accepting that a kid who stalked and had dark writings posed no threat. Concern for the students who didn't file formal complaints earlier against him. Concern for the police who thought the killer was the wrong person initially. Concerned for those who acted to protect others and were gunned down.


But most of all Concern for all the students who wanted to act but who were programmed by the Public School System into passivity. For those students who didn't report the bully morphing into shooter because they feared the consequences of speaking up for themselves. Make no mistake. In today's schools, the reporter of violence often is pressured to not bring suit, to not complain, to believe the bully is just a boy or girl gone bad and the student who complains will be responsible for having the bully kicked out of school. Or worse, the bully and the victim receive separate and equal punishments. How do I know this? Because those pressures are exactly what happened when my two girls were victimized by bullies at their school. And I don't think I am alone in the experience that bullies walk while victims just talk because that's all they feel safe doing.


Bullies don't get punished. Not enough. No apologies are required. No true compensation for the fear they caused. What do they get? A lunchtime detention here. A day's suspension there. And the Bullies learn the valuable lesson that there are no consequences to their actions. I suspect that this kind of passivity training happens all over the country and all over the world. After all, Virginia Tech has students from around the world.


The fact is that most of those students at Virginia Tech froze because of their conditioning. I just know it in my bones. So yes, school violence is terrible. Bullying is terrible. It is often impossible to know who did what to whom and as administrators you need to appear to be fair. After all you can't have student on student attacks. But perhaps you can be too carefully taught. Just look at the final results of the lesson.

Cyclones of the Soul

In re-reading my entry for Sunday night, I realize that there was a extratropical cyclonic depression going through the Northern Virginia area where I live. Extratropical Cyclones (also known as Nor'easters) are winter hurricanes and odd things happen during them. Odd things like sudden freezes, sudden thaws, high winds and emotional ups and downs. But the reason I bring up cyclones is the emotional aspect to them. The winds I sat through on Sunday gave me and the cats huge feelings of dread, we just knew something was going to happen. So what to do on those days when dread gets the upper hand, when the wind of change is making the soul's windows shudder? I pray and gather the cats close and jump onto the www.tarot.com website to check my impressions. I probably should have gotten my dowsing stuff out but I was so unclear about what was going on I would have asked really general questions. Sometimes just sitting through dread is the toughest thing to do. Just don't try to do it alone.

Music in General

I have always been obsessed about music and spirituality. Music is so close to the spirit. I started learning to read music when I was 5 years old. I started singing in the church choir the next year. By 12, I played the violin, mandolin, wooden recorder, piano and french horn. So, yeah, music is cool. The music the Virginia Tech band played yesterday was very sweet, quiet, evocative ... I used to play music like that at graduations. So unexpected to hear it accompanying the convocation. So Sad.

Oy, When Will People Learn Names Are Important!

"Early this morning, Virginia Gov. Timothy M. Kaine (D) announced that
former state police superintendent Gerald Massengill will lead that independent review."
Folks, it's rip and read time. Oy, if names affect how you feel about an individual, here's one we could do without as independent reviewer on the Virginia Tech murders.

Breaking Points

Invisible points on the interior compass of behavior.

Why is it?

Why is it? Why is it that mass murderers kill themselves after killing all their victims? Why not before and save everyone else all the heartache. I wish I knew so I could try to figure out how to stop them first. There is a movement actually to identify kids who harm animals as potential mass murders but I am not sure that is really going to work in all cases. And given our dismal public school track record on identifying and helping bullies before they hurt others again, I doubt it will ever be corrected. Meanwhile, here is a website on bullies that may be worth the read.... http://www.bullyonline.org/

Bothers

What bothers me today in the after-math of yesterday? Tipster lines for police. Tipster lines for colleges to report troubled youth. Tipster lines for public schools. Our local school system used to have an anonymous tipster line to call if a student witnessed or felt something was about to happen. I looked for that phone number today -- just in case -- and it wasn't online anymore. So now if someone makes my kid feel uncomfortable, if somehow there is a threat or a student paints a threatening sign on a locker, I have no one to call.

Both of my girls have had run-ins with bullies. I have to trust the school to find the person who hurt her and punish them appropriately. I don't trust anymore. All too often students who bully get off easy. Lunch time detention or a stern talking to. It may not be easy to pass students who do poor school work but it seems all too easy to let students who harm others move on to higher grades to get them out of the administrators hair. Less pain for the administrative people, more pain for the rest of us.

Virginia Tech Observation

I was glued to the computer today watching the convocation from Virginia Tech. Confronted with the senselessness of these murders, the strudents' bravery and grace is inspiring. I only hope we don't expect too much from them. Politicians trying to make political hay from their hardship of loss. As a society and as humans we all want to help and to understand. But most of all, we need to allow the students and hokies the space to heal.

The Naked Ape

Desmond Morris,The Naked Ape. http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Ape-Zoologists-Study-Animal/dp/0385334303 What a stir that book caused back in the 1960s. My mother was glued to that book when it came out. And as outrageous as the book was, subsequent history proved the author right. Man is a killing ape. And killing never stops. Death never takes a holiday. Those poor students at Virginia Tech. Those poor families. My heart grieves no matter what the final answer is on how this all went down. It is just too sad.

Lights when Dark

Light on a gloomy night. Mostly when I am glum, I need to light more than just my computer screen. I need to actually turn on lights to fight the gloom.

Marking Time

Marking Time. Calendars, water clocks and sundials all mark time. Spring is a season that fools me into marking time faster. Waiting for that first perfect daffodil, that first perfect spring rain misting the plants and grass, that first warm sunspot to linger in as I go about my errands. I wait, I wait impatiently trying to read the celestial signs -- is it going a hot spring or a cold summer, a dry season or one full of wet shoes. Kids mark time too. Only in the spring of their lives they mark time with going out with their friends or as they grow older with going into the army or to college. Marking time with dances, marking time with college applications, marking time to have fun. Now with the kids growing older, I realize that releasing them to be themselves is perhaps the biggest gift I can give them. The gift of them finding themselves. So yes, mark time, measure it however you want, but enjoy each second deeply. Otherwise, you just fooling yourself. Marking time but forgetting to live. What a waste...

Destructive Behavior

We all have destructive behaviors. From Don Imus to people I see every day -- We are all train wrecks waiting to happen if we don't read the signs and stay on the track. It is very boring to follow the rules, though, but essential in the long run. So take care of yourselves. You are the only one ultimately who will.

Troubling Trouble

Cancer (June 21 - Jul 22)
You may be worried about the consequences of your feelings today as you realize the significant practical ramifications of them.

You probably don't know yet how it will all work out, so thinking about the ramifications of expressing yourself can be a bit scary.

Keep in mind that your emotions always impact your life, whether you say anything or not, but it's pointless to hide them now.

I always check my horoscope. While I believe in never troubling trouble, until trouble troubles me, I like to know when a train is going to hit me. Sometimes my horoscope is really in left field. Sometimes it is spooky good. Today's a pretty accurate reflection of what I am feeling. Today I watched everyone around me wrestle with feelings. Maybe it is the phase of the moon. Maybe it is pre-tax season which tenses everyone up. Whatever it is, today was full of a lot of people troubling trouble and getting tense.

Public Perception Private Pain

The 4 Ps. Keep a still upper lip, don't ask, don't tell, Henry James, Golden Bowl, fashion, never tell family secrets, always keep private things private. And the list could go on and on and on. It is really a battle for Congruence between the physical outside and the emotional inside. The last stanza of Moody Blues' lyrics to "Nights in White Satin" is really the best I have read on the eternal struggle:

Breathe deep the gathering gloom

Watch lights fade from every room

Bed sitter people look back and lament

Another day's useless energy is spent

Impassioned lovers wrestle as one

Lonely man cries for love and has none

New mother picks up and suckles her son

Senior citizens wish they were young

Cold-hearted orb that rules the night

Removes the colors from our sight

Red is grey and yellow white

But we decide which is right

And which is an illusion

Peer Group Pressure

Why is it we all need to feel like we belong? What happens when no one wants you in those groups? I say without pride I never belonged to those groups. I was the one no one picked. I was the band freak before it was popular. I was the preppy before it was cool. So now when I see ads for websites like the newest over 50 years one at http://www.eons.com/, I have a lot of consumer resistence. These clowns didn't want me before. Why should I bother with them now? In all honesty, however, I owe those popular kids a huge debt. They made my life as a free thinker possible. If I had been sucked into the popularity vortex, I would not be who I am today.