January 17, 2009


The Romans had a god of doorways called Janus. He looked back and forward. Here is a link that will explain more if you are interested. www.pantheon.org/articles/j/janus.html I bring this up because January is named for this god and for a more personal observation. I seem to live my life backwards. I back into parking spaces far better than I pull forward into them. I had my kids way late in life. I am finding my way career-wise in my late 50s. I am becoming more organized late in life as well. I observe others on this path we call life. Others who start strong knowing what they are going to do and aiming themselves directly at their perceived targets. On the other hand, my meandering way has many benefits. It has taught me how to deal constructively with frustration. My buddhist magazine, Triangle, talks about how to deal with goals and targets and frustrations. See January's issue for the article. It summarizes fairly what I have learned in 57 years here. Dealing on the level of equanimity is not easy though. It takes mindful vigilance to weight what is and what is not a stumbling block in my way. No jumping to conclusions, no taking on more guilt, no taking on more responsibility, no, no and no. On the other hand, it is not a recipe for staying indoors to keep out of getting into life. It emphasizes working in the midst of life while staying steady and accepting and working towards setting my path towards helping others. Not towards helping myself. The focus is not me. And perhaps that is why I have found backing into things easier than going into them directly. In taking care of cats, I have found peace. And I never expected to find it. I just hoped to make a difference for them. I never figured it would make a difference for me. Who knew! Clearly, Buddha did. Clearly my daughter who teased me when I said I backed into parking spaces better than I did going forward into them that I was describing a metaphor of my life. Me? Not a clue. Epiphany on Saturday. Living my life like Janus who looks backwards and forwards and yet remains in the middle is my goal now. Pax

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