April 30, 2007

Was You Ever Bit By A Dead Bee?


So this thing I have about death...I have been doing some thinking about it. I realize now that I am no where ready to deal in an acceptance way with all the losses in the family. Call it lack of acceptance, call it a need to control, call it whatever you want. I didn't really get the picture of how unready I was until I was walking along and found a dead bee. It was/is a beautiful creature. Just lying forgotten in an alleyway in the City. There are many tales that come from the City and this is just one of them that caught my heart and made me think. I don't have an aversion to dying for myself. I have an aversion to dying and leaving things left undone for my survivors. It is just silly to want to have a grave picked out, a funeral home contract paid for, all my bills up to date and my clothes in order before I die. Who has a death date calendared into their daytimer? So I just realized all I need to do is to give myself permission to be incomplete when I die. After all, it is just another permission slip to fill out. You'd think I'd have realized that earlier.
Sheesh. Until then
Namaste

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