April 18, 2007

Invisibility

Invisibility! Is it a curse? Or a plus? I struggle with invisibility daily at work. No official recognition, no official praise, no smiles from higher ups to lighten my days. I know I prefer the shadows and corners and have lived in the dusty outlines of file drawers for years. But after 14+ years, I would think people would care whether I was there of not. So, I ask … why am I here? I ask … what role do I play? I ask … do I make a difference? I ask … am I of help to anyone? And the final question is what keeps me driving down roads increasingly clogged with secret service (doing secret stuff), Feebees (doing whatever useless things they do) and DC cops/park police who shut the roads to work keep us Safe. In some way, to some people, I make a difference just by showing up. But the price in stress, in emptiness, in lack gets higher and higher and higher each day I give part of myself away.

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