May 29, 2008

Good there such a thing?

I say yes, grief is good in some instances. Grieving (really good grieving) involves letting go of prior assumptions, prior jobs, prior relationships, prior life experiences that become habits. Like me having coffee before I go to sleep. Habits. Letting go of midnight coffee? Unthinkable. Impossible. I would be so sad to have to do that. It would be tough. And yet that is such a small thing for me to get used to considering that my friends and I have been laid off from the law firm I worked at for 15 years. 15 years. The grief is hitting me on many levels. The habit of going into work. The habit of having friends at work I won't be seeing anymore. The habit of having cash handy for things like cat food and rent and gas for my car. Letting go of the assumption that if I work hard and stay focused, management will value me. Letting go of the fallacy that having longevity would protect me from being let go. But it is 'just business.' Nothing personal. To someone reviewing the law firm financial sheets, I am just red ink on a ledger. Not worth the heath insurance, not worth the salary, the overtime, the carrying cost of paying for vacation that I hardly ever take. A few years ago, this assessment by strangers who didn't have my interest at heart would have devastated me. Today? It is a bump in my road because I know I am so much more than a blot of red ink on a page. I am worth so much more. To myself, to my family, to my cats, to the cattery, to my dreams. So I redraft myself into what and who I am. A dreamer, an artist, a writer, a creative soul. Stay strong, stay in the game of life, continue to be .... the bee. Buzz.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Be kind...Rewind your thoughts before commenting.