Interesting transformations through integrity

Monday, January 19th, I helped out at the cattery. Talking with other volunteers who have similar interests is always inspiring. Working with animals is a bond that over comes a lot of antipathy and competition because we are there for the animals. We are not there to show off. Actually, some of the volunteers do come out to show off but it is easy to spot who is real and who is not. Much easier than in the work world. Showing up and thawing food on a day when the food shed froze solid is not a competition on how awesome you are ... it is just a fact of life. Just doing the job of the moment ... no matter how tough, how smelly and how tired you are. Here is the latest Tarot card for Monday that really gets into this attitude:

• The King of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in personal power. I inspire transformation, respect and support by discrete but charismatic example and tolerance. I am an instrument for dynamic, responsible, or passionate expansion that serves or protects the greater good of my legacy. I am a master of the universe and I am empowered with a reputation of experience, credibility and momentum and I transform through integrity.

Riding the Wave...Living the Dream

Obama was sworn in on January 20th. What a day! The Ups and Downs of life. Truly a balancing act. Here is the Cancer OM horoscope to commemorate that day

• 
  
• January 20, 2009
• Staying Afloat
• Riding the Wave of Life
• Our lives are continually in motion, buoyed by the wave that is the universe’s flow. As the wave rises and falls, we are carried forward, through life’s high and low points. The universe’s flow may take us to a place in life where we would rather not be. As tempting as it can be to fight the direction and size of this wave that propels us, riding the wave is intended to make life easier. When you ride the wave, your life can evolve naturally and with minimal effort. Riding the wave, however, is not a passive experience. It is an active process that requires you to be attentive, centered, and awake. You must also practice stillness so you can flow with, rather than resist the wave’s motion.
  
  Because life is dynamic and always changing, it is when we try to make the wave stand still or resist its direction that we are likely to get pulled under by its weight. If you try to move against the wave, you may feel as if you are trapped by it and have no control over your destiny. When you reach a low point while riding the wave and find your feet touching bottom, remember to stay standing so that you can leap forward along with the wave the next time it rises. Trying to resist life’s flow is a losing proposition and costly because you waste energy.
  
  Riding the wave allows you to move forward without expending too much of your own efforts. When you ride the wave, you are carried by it and your head can “stay above water” as you go wherever it takes you. It can be difficult to trust the universe and let go of the urge to fight life’s flow, and you may find it easier to ride the wave if you can stay calm and relaxed. Riding the wave will always take you where you need to go.

One more burden gone

Thank God, Bush is back in Texas. I wish him well and hope he is right about his place in history. Lord knows after 9/11, I was heartened by his forceful address to Congress about how we were going to get through the crisis. I grew to hate him, though, after all his policies of waterboarding, extraordinary rendition, invading the wrong country, misuse of the state National Guards, lack of oversight allowed within federal agencies from the EPA, USDA and others, culminating in the Wall Street disasters because there were no regulators watching carefully. By the end, I couldn't listen to the man without hitting something. I simply was that mad at him. I don't have to be that way now. I just hope I don't have that kind of hate festering again with anyone else. It weighed me down. But now, buoyed up by hope, by Obama, by change...we will see

TGFA

Thank god for the inAugural. It was a long time coming. Too long. Perhaps we can legislate a quicker transfer of power. Perhaps that would be a bad idea because whoever wins will need the time to get a team in place. Obama has made this look like a duck in water. And of course, the part we see of the duck is calm but there are whirling legs paddling like crazy below our view. The next four years will need all the power that duck paddle can give it. C-Span was asking people if they thought we had too high an expectation for Obama. I fear so. It has taken a long time for us to get into this fix. Economically since the Reagan voodoo economics in the 1980s. Morally since the Vietnam/Watergate era. Nationally we have had heart cancer and have not dealt kindly with one another since the assassinations of the 1960s -- there are so many. Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, JFK and RFK. The loss of so many soldiers through out the 50 years since 1960. We have lost faith, lost hope, lost our way. When god no longer answers, government no longer cares, it becomes a national theme to take care of number one. Not our brothers, not our animals, not our environment. You can call it enlightened self interest or greed. Whatever it is, I hope that with the new president we will see one another and our responsibilities to each other as well as ourselves in the clarity of the 'now.'

Perhaps there will be peace

High Heel Shoes

Wow! My respect for Michelle Obama is high anyway but after watching her stand at the parade podium and wave for the bands while still in her high heels is inspiring. Strong arches, strong woman, good Under-Standing.....

Watching Animal Planet with my Cats

Oh good grief...my cats like to watch tv with me. At least the boys cats do. This afternoon though my elusive girl cat came down to watch Animal Planet Dogs 101 with me. That is just plain weird. Sweet, but weird....

Pride and the Elizabethan Collar

Cats are like teenagers. They hate being laughed at. And yet, what is funnier than a cat with an Elizabethan collar on. So today, I decided not to laugh and told the cat that the collar (which was blue) was actually a super cat cape. IDK if the cat believed me or not but wouldn't it be better to treat them as the super heros they really are rather than laugh at them....

TTNF

Going to a Peace Rally at the JCC

Oh, Good Grief....here is an event I really don't want to go to. I am just not the rally girl for causes. I would rather work for those affected by the problem than march or rally to show my support for it. But in the case of Israel v. Gaza, I am conflicted. I truly am. I would no more tolerate anyone lobbing bombs at me and mine than the Israelis do. I would fight tooth and nail to protect those I love. So I understand them. On the other hand, the civilians in Gaza are motivated by the same fierce defense of their own. And why not? Why go after Hamas and create more enemies? Why? I disagree with the concept of war. If you must fight, make it fast and final. Don't leave anyone behind alive to hit you again. But this kind of war is horrible for both sides. Everyone suffers. I know it sounds weird for someone who converted to Judaism to say this but I believe in Peace Now. No settlements on the west bank. A state for the palestinians. And working on keeping other influences from intruding on the two sides. It will never happen. Not now. And it is sad. Both sides have vibrant and caring backgrounds. But when loved ones are killed in senseless conflict, there is no peace. Not unless there is a miracle. Let's pray for a miracle and work for peace.

Oh, Good Grief, The Horoscope Hits Home Again

No wonder I brought in lots of extra coffee, cookies and creamer today. Not to mention rearranged the kitchen. This article from my Cancer Daily Horoscope says it all.

• January 18, 2009
• Lost in Beauty
• Cancer Daily Horoscope
• Your creativity can serve you well today, whether you are endeavoring to complete a professional project or concentrating your attention on a hobby from which you derive pleasure. You may find yourself infusing everything to which you apply yourself with an atmosphere of artfulness that affords others a unique opportunity to appreciate beauty in everyday objects. The main beneficiary of your imaginative labors, however, will likely be you, as your devotion to loveliness ensures that your thoughts remain positive and upbeat at all times. You may also enjoy expanding your horizons through creative activities today, and the curiosity that blossoms within you as you create can become the seed of a lifelong quest for beauty.
  
  It is easy to put aside worldly cares when we lose ourselves in the beauty we are capable of creating, using little more than our imaginative minds. Our thoughts naturally revolve around all that is good and true rather than the challenges that are circumstantially thrust upon us in our daily lives. Because we are immersed in the rushing flood of the creative flow, we have little time or energy to devote to topics that fall outside of the range of our imaginations. The world is a much more pleasant place when we observe it through perception that is colored by our innovative vantage points. We can appreciate the loveliness that is inherent in simply living, without giving regard to the tension that is an established part of being. Your creativity will make the world seem like a brighter place today.

Bursting with Life, Bursting with Love, Living with Death

Life for the cats in the FIV house is really good. We offer care, love and sanctuary for cats who otherwise get euthanized routinely in vet offices. Uneducated vets kill for the best of their reasons. FIV is contagious. To control it, you kill the vector. A cat carries FIV - so the thinking goes - so the cat needs to be put down. It is not my philosophy though. My experience is that FIV cats are the happiest, sweetest, kindest, full of life animals I have ever met. When I sit in the FIV house, I am covered with cats within minutes. Covered. It seems odd that cats with FIV are so loving and yet when I consider it further....most cats with FIV are formerly feral cats. Feral cats get into fights and the virus is spread in saliva. My guess is that the friendliest cats are the ones who get bitten and therefore get the virus. How sad is that? Very sad. The friendlier the cats, potentially the sicker they may be. There is a correlation here. I hope that this is not the case with the little kitten I am so worried about. I really do. For such a young animal to be so bursting with live, love and death...is quite an impact. And I have to hold to the 'bumpy road' nostrum from Buddhism. Life is a bumpy road. The view from the top is breath-taking (like last week with the rescue of the kittens) and the subsequent bump to the rump is part of the same package.

Until all beings know peace, may peace be

Learning to potentially let go

Last week at the cattery was all about redemption and saving. One of our volunteers was contacted by a woman who needed support rescuing kittens from a farm where she boarded her horses. The man was abusive. Very abusive. Fact, not fiction. When you kill kittens to feed the bodies to your goats, that goes beyond any comprehension I have about cruelty. When you punch a horse in the head while a farrier looks on, that's documentable. I do not know the individual's name. I do believe that these kittens were abused because of how they looked when they came in. So while triumph enveloped me last week about rescuing the kittens, reality came home earlier this week when one of the kittens tested mildly positive as an FIV-L cat. The L stands for leukemia. I didn't realize at first just how bad FIV-L is. I didn't realize how contagious it is. I didn't realize how lethal it is. If an adult has it, there is a 3 year life expectancy. If a kitten acquires it, perhaps a year is the best anyone can hope for life wise. It is a crying shame. And it makes me stop and think about fragile life is and how little any one of us can control what happens. So, of course, my first reaction was denial. Of course, a kitten bursting with so much love will be fine. But no, that is not always the case. I will just continue to hold the little one in my heart while we wait the 60 days until the retest and the verdict. Life is about death and death is about life. It is two sides of the same coin. But sometimes it is hard to handle.

Until peace, may we all know peace.

Om Glasses

My mom died 9 years ago this month. Some of the things she left behind echo a bygone era. One of those is the crystal glasses for those gala dinners. Weird to me because she lived in a small town in Ohio. How many galas were there? But the 40s, 50s and 60s demanded formal dining. The odd thing is that just now I realized that her initials also spell OM. Go figure...on two points. How odd is it that the OM predicts my ultimate taking refuge in Buddhism and odder still that it took 8 years for me to realize the spelling was OM? Very odd. But then, considering I live backwards, it took me a while to figure that out.

OM

But

Best three letters in the English language and funniest are b-u-t. It can be used to counter an argument, it can be made into a joke by just adding one extra 't' and certainly I use it a lot.

Hindsight

The old adage says, "Hindsight is 20-20." No kidding. But living backwards isn't hindsight. It is living being surprised by the moment, living without a plan for the future that is in 5 year increments, it is waking up. At least, that is how living backwards is for me. I am always surprised by my place in the world. I was surprised to be a parent so I hated the responsibility of always having to be 'in charge.' I was surprised to have worked at a law firm for 15 years so I hated the responsibility of the commute, being there on time, self correcting typos, dressing the part. And I am surprised that I didn't see it then -- only now. Some folks back 5 years ago, kept telling me (then 52 years old) to grow up. Now I realize they were calling me to my true self -- not growing up but be-coming. Waking up. Ahh, now I get it. Re-flection. There must be a meaning that relates to history or mulling. In Judaism it is called return. Return to the soul. Return to G-d. In Buddism is it calling out the Buddas' name and hearing him/her call back to you in response. In universal terms, it is knowing there is a circle, being a part and then recognizing you are a part of the whole. Stay focused. Use the eyes of the head, the heart and the soul. 360 vision. It works if you are a clam with eyes around your head or if you are Janus-like and see backwards and forwards.


Blessings for today. Stay warm.

Janus

The Romans had a god of doorways called Janus. He looked back and forward. Here is a link that will explain more if you are interested. www.pantheon.org/articles/j/janus.html I bring this up because January is named for this god and for a more personal observation. I seem to live my life backwards. I back into parking spaces far better than I pull forward into them. I had my kids way late in life. I am finding my way career-wise in my late 50s. I am becoming more organized late in life as well. I observe others on this path we call life. Others who start strong knowing what they are going to do and aiming themselves directly at their perceived targets. On the other hand, my meandering way has many benefits. It has taught me how to deal constructively with frustration. My buddhist magazine, Triangle, talks about how to deal with goals and targets and frustrations. See January's issue for the article. It summarizes fairly what I have learned in 57 years here. Dealing on the level of equanimity is not easy though. It takes mindful vigilance to weight what is and what is not a stumbling block in my way. No jumping to conclusions, no taking on more guilt, no taking on more responsibility, no, no and no. On the other hand, it is not a recipe for staying indoors to keep out of getting into life. It emphasizes working in the midst of life while staying steady and accepting and working towards setting my path towards helping others. Not towards helping myself. The focus is not me. And perhaps that is why I have found backing into things easier than going into them directly. In taking care of cats, I have found peace. And I never expected to find it. I just hoped to make a difference for them. I never figured it would make a difference for me. Who knew! Clearly, Buddha did. Clearly my daughter who teased me when I said I backed into parking spaces better than I did going forward into them that I was describing a metaphor of my life. Me? Not a clue. Epiphany on Saturday. Living my life like Janus who looks backwards and forwards and yet remains in the middle is my goal now. Pax

There is something about Fear

There is something about fear that kicks up my negativity. When I am scared, I start to doubt myself and others. Never the cats, though. Never the universe...well, mostly never the universe. When I am really on a negative kick, I can even doubt that any good things happen. That's when I know to do a full on meditation session in a circle of stones that I have collected over the years for protection. It takes a while to work though. So the best thing for me to do is blog every day and look back to see that I have had good days, I have had bad days and that they both balance each other out.

My horoscope for today says roughly the same thing.

Releasing Negativity Try not to dwell on unpleasant experiences and do everything you can to avoid holding on to negative emotions. When you indulge in self-pity, you only make a bad day worse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, release the notion that you are a victim, and notice the good that exists in your life.

yum, brownies

Yes, I love brownies. My daughter has discovered a new recipe using peanut butter cups layered between brownie mix. Bliss.

It must be the Moon

It must be the phase of the moon. My daily horoscope is soooo practical. Happily, though, with all the various jobs I have, I just don't have the time to drool about what I want. It is as much as I am worth to pay for what I need and have time to go find it at a good price.

Logical, Sensible, and Practical
Cancer Daily Horoscope

• Today your sensible side may come to the forefront, helping you logically assess things like financial responsibilities. You may find yourself being practical rather than whimsical in a variety of situations. This can be very helpful in dealing with practical matters, but you want to be sure to balance these considerations with your heart and spirit as well. There are times when the sensible thing may be something that crushes your spirit, such as paying for additional insurance instead of dance lessons or giving up a vacation to pay off a debt. Today you can sensibly make balanced decisions to lead a full and balanced joyful life.

• Budgeting may enter into such situations, which some find an unpleasant reminder of the things they can't have. However, it is just like choosing how we spend our energy or time. When we make a schedule, we are budgeting those things≈making choices toward the best use of our resources. We may want to remind ourselves of our goals before making such plans to be sure that we make decisions that are in line with who we truly are and who we want to become. This is where heart, mind, and intuition come together to help us make the best choices for our present in order to build our future. Today, though you may be feeling sensible, you can use your senses to make sure that you appreciate the fullness of life and all it has to offer.

Damn this one is depressing

Ok, not all the Tarot.com cards are full of joy and light and happiness. This one today is full of endings and beginnings. And I always cry at endings and beginnings. It is a good thing my daughters aren't getting married anytime too soon. I'd need flood insurance....

But there is some (no, actually, a lot) of truth in today's comment.

• The Tower card suggests that my alter ego today is the Survivor, whose superpower for revolution lies in my epiphany for change, brought on with the aid of a serious reality check.
  
• Today I have reached a turning point. It may be all over but the crying -- but I have the strength to move on and create a better situation for myself.
  
• You may say that I never saw it coming or learned the hard way, but with profound change comes new opportunity. One door closes -- another opens.
  
• So tear down the wall, and rebuild anew.

My hope is that this reflects what I have gone through since June in my stubborness about not working at a mega law firm again. Not working down town. Not really working in law-cum-law at all. Hopefully, changes came while I worked at the cattery. Hopefully, changes came while I worked at my first temp job. Hopefully, I havfe learned the lesson I need to survive a turning point. Hope...

Emotional Availability

One of the difficulties I have in life is to 'be' there. When I work with one of our cats who has control issues, I have to remind myself that I am on 'cat' time which does not recognize that constant mantra in my head of 'wash floors, do it now.' If I listen to the cat, and not the voice in my head, I will be able to help him/her. If I listen to the voice in my head, I get antsy and the cat picks up my tension and claws/bites at me. I have a lot of incentive to listen to the cat instead. It is a good way to keep my focus on the 'now.'

I just found a tarot.com card that describes emotional availability and perhaps that is what is happening with me and the cat. Lowering my drawbridges to allow access...

• The King of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in emotional availability.
  
• I inspire, protect and nurture with reliable compassion, respect, and affection. I am a master in the art and am secure enough in my role to connect to, express and pursue my hearts desire while defending the greater good of those who rely on me.
  
• I am empowered by consistency and patience while trust is my gift or Holy Grail.

I am not sure that trust is a holy grail except in the notion that I always have to seek after it. But I am sure trust is a two way gift we all give each other. When the cat sensing I am available, he/she relaxes and ultimately heals. We all know what happens when we don't listen. We get scratched and bite by whatever is lying in our way.

Until peace comes, know peace