SeaBee Squirrels

Wait ... There's More Insight from Daily Om

I mean ... who knew that these ezines would be so instructive? Not I! It is amazing. And it is shamelessly cribbed..... The reason I say it is instructive is that I have felt horrible this week with the cold sore from hell. 1 centimeter across. It even impressed the doctor when I walked in and mumbled what was wrong. I took the first dose of medicine less than 4 hours ago and do not expect it to start to work until tomorrow. Nevertheless, my energy is back and I tore the house apart and put it back together again making sure that like things were with like things. That may not make sense until you realize that my office occupied two floors. I am not a big operation. I just never thought to bother with having the computer, printer and fax on the same table, let alone on the same floor. Talk about complicating my life. You are now in touch with the queen of making the simple into the impossibly complex. That is my life and I have a goal now. Simplify the physical as I have simplified the soul side of me. And I am pretty ok inside....not perfect, not without stress, but realizing that life is a bumpy road and the view from the top of the bump is sometimes worth the pain of the ride.
Namaste

Inner Seclusion For Reflection
Cancer Daily Horoscope

• You may find yourself pulling your energy inward, seeking seclusion within yourself. The need for inner reflection may make you feel private and introspective. Perhaps you have not been paying attention to your inner guidance, so you have been given this opportunity to create balance between your inner and outer worlds. It may be helpful to seclude yourself physically as well as emotionally by finding a peaceful and nurturing place to spend some time. This may mean retreating to your bedroom or a garden. You may find yourself drawn to places of spiritual observance where the atmosphere is already created for peaceful inward reflection. Once you have cleared away all distractions, you will likely find what your inner self seeks today.
  
  You can create a new atmosphere in familiar places by lighting candles, burning incense, or playing soothing music. By making a slight shift in your outer world, you indicate to your body and mind to also shift within. Following your senses inward, you can then focus on your breathing and let your thoughts drift by, listening for the silence. From this place of stillness you will find your connection to the universe’s energy. You may be nourished just by being in its presence, or perhaps you will want to release an intention into the stillness, creating a ripple of energy that will lead to the creation of your desire. Inspiration may come to you, giving you something to take with you into the world. By following your desire to go inward today, you renew your connection to self and the universe.

Extremely Useful Information -- Daily Om Again

1. A Separate Reality
2. Disconnecting from the Source
3. We all experience periods where we feel separated from the loving ebb and flow of the universe. These times of feeling disconnected from the source may occur for many reasons, but self-sabotage is the most common cause for us choosing to cut ourselves off from the flow of the universe. We purposefully, though often unconsciously, cut ourselves off from this flow and from the embrace of humanity so we can avoid dealing with painful issues, shun the necessary steps for growth, or prevent the success that we are afraid of achieving from ever happening. When you choose to disconnect from the source, you block the flow of the universe’s energy from passing through you. You become like a sleepwalker who is not fully awake to life, and your hopes, plans, and dreams begin to appear as distant blurs on a faraway horizon. Universal support has never left you, but if you can remember that you became disconnected from source by choice, you can choose to reconnect.
   
   Reconnecting with the universe grounds you and is as easy as you making a concerted effort to become interested in the activities you love or responding to what nurtures or stimulates you. You may also want to make a list of the activities and kinds of experiences that touch your soul. Try to pinpoint the times when you have felt fully engaged and aware and ask yourself what you were doing. But one of the easiest ways to reconnect is simply by stating the intention of doing so.
   
   When you disconnect from the universe, your sense of purpose, creativity, and ability to be innovative are not as easy to access. You may also experience a deep and empty sense of longing or feel devoid of ideas or unworthy of love. It’s important, however, to recognize that being disconnected from the universe is never a permanent state, and it can be reversed any time you decide that you are ready to reconnect. When you are connected to the universe, all aspects of your being will feel alive as the flow of the universe pours through your being and into your life.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Daily Tarot.com or Ain't It Da Truth:

• The Six of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in transition.
  
• I have what I need and am willing to trust the process order to move on, seek refuge or new opportunity.
  
• I'm not willing to remain where my perceptions are invalidated but being vulnerable I must rely on guidance to move in a new direction or trust that I can make it or be led to security and new hope. 'Wherever you go, there you are.'
• I am empowered by perseverance and my virtue is survival.

God knows, I am stubborn. Often, too stubborn for my own good.... So as this year unwinds today's comment reminds me to live in the solution, not wind myself up in false dreams I need to let go. And learn to trust that I will be led to an answer, to security and to new hope.

Until then, may all beings know peace

Growing the Human Heart in Inhuman Times

Times are hard. I have never had as little money in my bank account and as many bills and as few hours to work. It is scarey. And yet, my fallback work at the cattery moves on apace. I worked there 6 hours today and found peace and exhaustion. Six hours is more physical work than I have done in a while. If ever. I am a desk person. And yet...if this paid more...I'd eat raw meat to work there full time and have the strength. We have kittens who need socializing. We have older cats who need to learn trust. We have cats who need to learn to trust, period. We have plenty of physical work to do -- cleaning litter pans, washing bowls, feeding, giving medications, washing laundry for the cats and dogs and then folding it up and finding space for it to go. And yet, the most important thing we do there is 'listen'. Listen for the cough. Listen for the muted growl which presages a bite. Listen to other workers in the same financial position I am in or worse. Listen to the kittens squealing happily as they tear down the stacks of clean sheets in the isolation room where they are at the moment. Listen. If there is one thing we have forgotten to do in this country with the war, with the financial situation, with the Bush administration, is listen to one another. What we have done instead (character assassinations passing as conversation) is not listening. Listening means opening your ears which lead to your heart. Listen. Listen. Listen to the rain, listen to the sleet as it falls, listen to the cats snore, listen to the dogs bark. Listen to peace and find peace inside yourself. Namaste.

Tarot.com Strikes again

I was just typing a note to myself on strategy for the 2009 year. How to make lemonade 101. And now this email arrives from Tarot.com. Carpe Diem....

• The Seven of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in seizing the day. I step in, recognize, or create opportunities to take it to the next level and communicate leadership or earn respect through performance. I am empowered to rise to the occasion by a window of opportunity and I transform through motivation.

It is fascinating how my life aligns with these emails.

Consolation

What consoles me? Working with the cats. The good news is that I get paid to work with them and I am welcome out at the cattery anytime I can come and help. They will be seeing a lot of me until I find a place to rest. Who knows when LPI will come through? I sure don't. Who knows when I will become fully employed again? Same answer. I have never thought life was supposed to be easy. I have worked intensely at my jobs. I have driven long hours to get to and from work. I have grudged every minute of it. These last few months have been soul-filling. Blessings, really, in disguise. The next step then is to take a long look at how to get a job which I can manage without getting an asthma attack or a migraine. I need to take a step back and ask whether I want to be a rat in the rat race or find another type of administrative work which will allow me to work at my pace or even faster than my pace but which will not stress me out as much. As H would say, 'good luck with that.' Consolation comes at a price. And given the family, I don't have the luxury of saying 'no' to work...even work that I hate.

What I know

What I know from my talk this afternoon with D. is this...I need to call LPI and see about getting a position downtown. Even though I don't want to work downtown, even though I am scared of messing up because of inattentiveness which has plagued me all my working career, even though I am damaged in ways I cannot put in words by the way I was treated by my former law firm for 15 years.

The way I react to it now (after the fact) is what is important and what Mel and I need to work on. It took me 6 whole months to realize that this is why I have stalled on going back to work in any law firm. Even though LPI got me an interview with OP, I shied away in the interview. The first job I have gotten excited about is the one I just applied to as a Legal Administrator to a firm that would need me to drive from Arlington to Harrisonburg, Virginia on an 'as needed' basis. But D. is right. We don't have family health coverage that's affordable on COBRA. It is now $1,800+ a month and that's unsustainable. Grant me the grace to see my place in how to manage this paradigm shift in my thinking.

Faces of Fear and Noise

Another Amazingly Accurate Essay from Daily OM

Working Through Silence
Noise as a Distraction

Our lives are typically filled with noise. There are the noises from the outside world that we cannot control, and there are the noises we allow into our lives. These noises, from seemingly innocuous sources like the television and radio, can actually help us avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. However, using noise as a distraction hurts more than it helps because you are numbing yourself to what may be internally bubbling up to the surface for you to look at and heal. Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you.

Noise as a distraction can affect us in many ways. It can help you stay numb to emotions that you don’t want to feel, allow you to avoid dealing with problems, distract you from having to think, and make it easier for you to forget reality. Drowning out the thoughts and emotions you find uncomfortable or overwhelming can complicate your issues because it allows them to fester. By tuning out noise and relishing silence, you create the space to experience and express what you are hiding. It is only then that self-exploration can begin in earnest and you can stare down frightening issues. In silence, it becomes easier to let your strongest feelings come forth, deal with them, and find new ways of resolving your problems.

When you go within without the veil of noise to shield you from yourself, you’ll be able to figure out what you need to heal. Embracing silence and introspection allows you to work through your thoughts and emotions and transmute them. Free of the need for noise, you can accept your pain, anger, and frustration as they come up and turn them into opportunities to evolve.

• So what was/is it I feared/fear so much that I needed the TV on ... I would have to say solvency, job esteem, a place in society. When I left D., I lost what I perceived as my society status holder. I was no longer a wife. I was no longer a full time mother. I was no longer a part of a family that D and I created 21 years ago. And it hurt. It hurt more than I have words to describe it.
  
• When I was let go by S., I lost my job esteem, my solvency, my place in society as a wage earner. The difference now is that instead of TV being on like it was for D., it is quiet around here. Sure, I find other distractions. I read a ton. Really 11 books at a time from the library. Just a ton of reading. And a ton of sleeping. Sure, it helps with the pain. Sure, I need to recharge more often. Sure, stress gives me headaches. But it is also a really good escape from feelings of inadequacy. But I do take time to think as I sit here typing my thoughts in the evening.
  
• Here is what I know. Even though I know I am good, talented, smart as a whip, I still haven't found a full time position. I am working almost every day 4 hour shifts. Either at G or at FOHA. And I am earning a third of what I used to make. No health benefits, no time off, nada, zip.
  
• If I were honest with myself, I'd say I was overwhelmed. I am frozen in fear. But what exactly is at the bottom of the fear? If I can identify it, then I can take a closer look and figure out a way to deal with it. I need to contact the Fairfax County Retraining of Seniors people and see if they can help me identify whether I need to train up to a new career or just find something less challenging. I get overwhelmed thinking that I am a failure if I ask for help and wind up pushing the help away. I will be calling the Skills Group just to see what they would be able to offer me in retraining for another career or assisting me to find something that would help pay my rent and other issues. What I am truly scared of is having to move into low rent housing and having to face my girls and tell them I failed. They need me stable in their lives. I fear being in a new situation. But I suppose having done the tough stuff with D and moving out in 2004, I could do that if need be. After all K is driving now. Pragmatically, this is just stuff to walk through. Grant me the peace of soul and soles to walk this path littered with the sharp rocks of fear.
  

Tarot.com strikes again

The tarot.com website strikes again at the heart of the matter for me and oddly enough explains why I wandered over to G'town yesterday after learning that G___ had found a new person who is starting there Monday. My boss knew, HR knew, LPI knew and everyone expected the other 2 to tell me and help me plan for transition. Who didn't know? Me. I do not deal well with surprises. Probably why, then, when I drove home I took a completely different way. Superstition will tell you that I took a different way so that the vibes and attitudes from that encounter would not follow me home. And, indeed, it worked. By the time I got home, I was better. I was able to face the evening without coming apart and calling everyone under the sun to complain that the system of being a temp worked. I had worked myself, honorably, out of a job. I had found a really standup kind of boss who went to bat for me with HR and fussed at them for dropping the ball on who was to tell me that my services were no longer needed. I was able to call the temp agency and ask 'what's next' and get an answer that was very positive. So this card today tells me I am not done dealing with the aftermath but gives very good advice.

• The Three of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in truth or consequences.
  
• Denial or control is no longer an option and I am ready to experience a breakthrough. My suffering, fear, or emotional loss is/was valid, incredible and deserves to be acknowledged and expressed in order to heal or transform the sacrifice.
  
• I am empowered by recognition and my virtue is choice.

So, does that mean a shift to FOHA? It surely looks like it. Does that mean I apply for the Borders or Barnes & Noble job? It surely looks like that would help as well. I told my faithful lawyer client I was available to work on his projects.

life is one foot in front of the other

If these two guy cats can get along, we all can do it.
Until there is peace, find peace within yourself
Namaste

If cats can, We can

From the Ain't this the truth column

Ain't this Tarot.com the truth today:

• The Queen of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in liberation.
• I radiate or communicate personal power, passion, and allure and am not dragged down by trends.
• I have a bold magical flair and a spirit of innovation and pride. I am secure in my identity or performance and thrive on creating, designing or fostering new or equal opportunities for aesthetic or personal growth, expression or awareness.
• I am empowered with gratitude, attention and reputation to go beyond the call and I transform through exploring or initiating change.

And here I was wondering why I suddenly found an advertisement for a job that just fits my skills in Northern Virginia. Oh, well, not so close. It is actually down in Harrisonburg with lots of commuting to the Northern Virginia office but ... not a bad thing at all.

Let's just see what happens.

Be Well and at Peace

A modest wish of mine is for all people to 'just get along.' This is the tap root of who I am and always have been. So my wish for 2009 is Buddhist in nature....that all of us find peace in ourselves and reach out to make peace with each other.

May All Beings Know Peace

New Year's Wish

• I got an email from a friend of mine at a law firm downtown. It is one of those awful chain emails and promises luck to the sender who then afflicts all of their friends by sending it on to them. And as my friend said in her initial paragraph, 2008 was not a good year for her and she hoped that 2009 would be better. In writing back to her, I had to agree and then discovered I needed to write more on the subject.

• I agree 100% with you. 2008 was a year when things fell apart for a lot of us. I am so glad you found a place at a downtown firm and I hope things will start to pick up after Obama gets sworn in. I truly do. We need more than luck. We need stable strong thoughtful calm leadership. We need to be able to trust again. We really need a miracle and I hope the Obama and his team can do that.to pull this country out of the swamp of corruption and greed that Bush led us into. I have been alive (oh, good grief, I sound ancient but...) through Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush I, Clinton and now Bush II. The shrub (aka Bush II) was just awful.
• Bush claims he will be recalled as a good president. And just maybe he will be remembered in 2,000 years as someone who had to make tough choices. However, he has burdened the United States with a reputation we will spend years getting back, he has run us into so much debt we will not be able to pay it down in my lifetime, his legacy in every single part of his administration has been marked by a reckless abandonment of regulators keeping an eye on things.
• From slaughter houses in California and Kansas, to illegal immigration, to civil liberties being taken away, to the financial meltdown, to drugs from China killing us, to toys being filled with lead, to environmental regulators being told they could not bring up issues that needed to be addressed. He has a lot to answer for and I don't think he will be prosecuted after he leaves office.
• I don't even think Cheney will be prosecuted for making sure we got into Iraq. It is really a monumental screw up of historic proportions. Breathtaking.
• In 2009, we all will get a new start with Obama, new congress, and fresh ideas. I just hope we don't expect too much. There is so much to fix and he is just one guy. But I figure that if FDR could create the New Deal, Civilian Conservation Corp and all the other programs that eventually edged us out of the Great Depression from a wheelchair, then perhaps we can have hope.
• After all, hope was all that was left in Pandora's Box after she opened it the first time. You remember Pandora? According to Bullfinch's Mythology, the gods on Mt. Olympus created her and sent her down to earth. She came with a wedding present -- a box she was not supposed to open. The box supposedly held blessings from all of the gods. Curiosity overwhelmed her and she opened the box letting all the ills which afflict the world out -- except the one that was left behind when she hastily closed the box up again. I can only imagine how horrible that must have been for her. But the myth says that the one blessing left in the box was hope.
• My memory plays tricks on me sometimes but I remember this legend differently at this point. I recall learning that Pandora opened the box again when another of the gods came down to tell her that there was one gift left in the box which would help with all the terrible plagues on mankind. He (perhaps the god was Mercury who was the messenger to all the gods) assured her that hope was in the box and needed to be released. She opened the box again and that is why even with such terrible times as we are having now, we can reach deep inside ourselves and find hope ...
  
  Until peace, may we all know peace and have hope in new beginnings.
  Blessings

Draining Experiences (shameless crib)

December 26, 2008
Helpful, Useful, Supportive

1. Cancer Daily Horoscope
   You may be feeling helpful today, which could find you offering assistance to your workmates or making yourself useful in the kitchen. The underlying motive behind your desire to help is really the desire to support others.
2. An act of support is a gift that is easy and inexpensive to give. It shows caring and the willingness to stand beside those we care about, regardless of the circumstances.
3. Sometimes it is an act of connection between ourselves and another human being. By lending our energy physically to a situation, we also lend our emotional and spiritual energy to make the circumstance something new.
4. Like adding a new ingredient to a recipe, it becomes something different than it would have been otherwise. By adding the uniqueness of yourself to any situation today, you make an impact while offering your support.
5. You may be drawn to be helpful in a situation because you are open and receptive to the need for assistance. Maybe you have the perfect energy to balance a situation or can make it the best it can be.
6. Or you could be drawn to a situation because there is something in it for you. You may not realize it but you could be about to meet someone who could change your life, or you could learn a skill that will come in handy in the future.
7. By following your instincts today, you allow yourself to share your unique qualities while also enriching your own life.

Delayed GratificationCancer Daily Horoscope
Your sense of duty may have you putting your work ahead of your personal life today, leaving you feeling reliable and conscientious.

1. Delayed gratification helps us create order in our lives since we do what needs to be done first so that we may enjoy rewards later. It is the discipline that guided us as children to do our homework before we went outside to play. Applied to our adult lives, it allows us to tend to our responsibilities before we seek out fun activities.
2. But as adults, putting work ahead of our personal lives may mean we ignore the responsibilities of our homes and families for the purpose of making money, and that can create an imbalance in our lives.
3. Today you can make a point of being conscientious toward your highest priorities in order to live a full and balanced life. We can take a moment to make sure that we have our priorities in order of true importance.
4. Though society tends to stress the importance of work, our jobs are certainly not more important than our families. By seeking balance between work and play, rest and recreation, we can make sure that we keep our responsibilities to ourselves and to our loved ones as well as do work that supports them all.
5. When you know what your goals are, you know the direction you need to take and can make changes accordingly to ensure that we live our lives to the fullest, today and every day.
   

A Sidewise Greeting to the World

Solutions to difficult situations come from looking at them in new ways.  Sometimes we need to see the world from a different perspective.  The quickest way to do this is to look through the corner of your eye.  Or tip known objects sidewise and look at them.  Never throw away any creative idea you created in the past.  You never know when it will become a launch pad for another phase of your life.

Until then may all beings know peace and reindeer.  Especially the reindeer.

More to ponder from Tarot.com ... shameless copying

1. The Knave of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in promise.
2. I am bright, edgy, curious and articulate and am developing respect and competence through preparation and practice.
3. I am anxious to be tested or challenged -- but I am not afraid to question authority or participate in the latest craze.
4. I am a perpetual student of learning and try to think before I speak or act.
5. I am empowered by confrontation or opportunity and my virtue is self-restraint.

My Cats and Fish and life in general

1. My cats love to look at my fish. Sadly, the fish aren't happy being watched. Over the past month, though, Freckles started to fish for the fish and drink the water in the tank. I tried everything I could think of. I finally covered the tank with a dark cloth to keep him out but I didn't think about the water being wicked up into the clothe and leaking everywhere. Worse, I didn't realize the dark clothe was not going to leak its dark dye into the water.
2. So last night I changed the fish tank, swapped the fish out of the tank into smaller containers and put them up onto the bookcase with a lamp turned on to keep warm while I heated the water in the cleaned out tank to the right temperature for them again.
3. Success this morning. The fish survived the night, the water warmed to the correct temperature and I threw out the lid which came with the tank because it was unable to keep out the cats. I have now covered the tank with two plastic chopping sheets and moved all the smaller furniture to keep the cats above the fish should they be able to jump up.

I think life is a lot like my cats and fish. I just have to keep working on the details on the job hunt to find something. Refining is not admitting defeat. It is, as am I, a work in progress.