Queasiness

Niacin or Vitamin B3 is being studied currently as a means to slow or prevent altzheimers disease. Sadly, my grandmother had altzheimers but none of us realized it until the autopsy results. We just thought she was weird from forever. A funny old bird. She died back in 1983 but my fear of altzheimers' lingers. I started taking niacin after hearing about this study on genetically altered rats who come down with memory loss. Starting to take niacin now, I feel badly for those rats because the niacin is making me queasy, shaky and really exhausted. On top of myofascial syndrome, this is not a good thing. So I am stopping the niacin to see if the nausea goes away. If it does, then I will feel (a) much better but (b) keep worrying about how to prevent the memory loss. Perhaps I will take a lower dose and see how that works out.

What to do for Health Insurance

http://www.nahu.org/ National Association of Heath Underwriters might be a useful link to use when we are trying to wean off the COBRA and/or if SNR tanks....

Annie

The Sun Will Also Rise
This painting includes this simple phrase: "Though the sun is setting today, it will also rise tomorrow".
The deeper meaning:Maybe today is over as the man rides alone into the sunset.Maybe today was not a perfect day.But don't give up, tomorrow is another day with new possibilities and opportunities.
The Chinese characters on the left is the title phrase that I translated into English above along with the artist's signature.
The story and information above was inspired by a long conversation I had with the artist about this piece.

http://www.orientaloutpost.com/the_sun_will_rise_again__chinese_philosophy_painting.php

Juseige

I hate phonics because it truly messes up my spelling of foreign words. The juseige is the prayer of the three treasures in buddhism. I find it helps me a lot to take a step back in my second-to-second reality which can freak me out if I look at it too closely. I don't speak or read Japanese which is what the ju se ge is written in but even saying it aloud is a comfort to me. I sets me up to step back when events fly into my face and words swirl around my head so I can stay calm.
Here is a link to use when I am used up...and tense...and feel lost

http://www.vbtemple.org/daily_tradition/juseige_wav.htm

Until there is peace, may be peace be

Aces

Today's card from Astrology is this ace of pentacles card which "... suggests that my power today lies in assets or seeds. I have everything I need to co-create my own reality. I have value and I matter. I am empowered to nurture and tend to my own garden of purpose. I bring new life into the world." So my question today to myself is what exactly are my assets, are my seeds to plant for the future? Counting blessings instead of debits...is a tough assignment for me at the best of times but here goes. (1) Animals, (2) writing, (3) artwork, (4) organization, (5) empathy, (6) working at the cattery with troubled animals and helping them trust again. I suspect step 6 is one I need to do with myself. Working to 'trust' myself and my gifts -- not automatically thinking I am less than but equal to -- my challenges, my friends, my situations.

Anger and the Middle Way

I muddled my way through yesterday mired in fear. I am muddling my way today angry as anything. Why? Because of the cats, the job, the lack of progress on my job search. Grrrrrrrr

Fear

As a generalized anxiety disorder person, fear shadows my every day activities. Sometimes it is so bad, my throat closes down. Sometimes it is not present at all and I can breathe. For years I attributed my throat closing with GAD, only to find out it also included asthma. Who knew? I sure didn't. But I digress. The only times I don't feel this is when I am with my cats. So what's a cast-off legal secretary to do. The only job I am experienced in is legal. But legal jobs are high stress, especially in these economic times. Retool with the hope of getting into a lower stress job? Are there any lower stress jobs? Are there jobs I like? My laundry list is: library jobs and animal care jobs. Writing is high stress even though it is a solitary activity if only because what I write gets read by people I do not know. Bad? Good? I don't know. I just know I don't like to be challenged about things I have done because even when I check as I did this morning, endlessly about the spelling of a name, I continued to misspell it over 3 times. That is a concerning feature with the way gad and fear affects me. My ability to see clearly goes down the higher my stress goes up. It is a good thing I am not in the line for president.

Something to Think about

Claiming what is already Mine. Valuable Cosmic Advice hit my email today in the form of my Daily Feng Shui Tip for Friday, November 7 which I am shamelessly pasting in here to remind me that I have things that I don't even realize. -- "Today is National Magazine Day and since I write a monthly column for my favorite one in the whole world, I want to share how else, besides just reading the great content and getting great advice, we can use the pages of these periodicals. Making a treasure map will help you mine all the booty you that believe belongs to you. Take a few magazines that speak to your particular proclivities and sensitivities and cut a collage of representative pictures from its pages. Paste or tape those pictures to a piece of poster board, making your own personal vision map or basic life blueprint. Make sure to symbolize every little special something that you would like to see come to you, and then place this map where you see it upon awakening in the morning and before you fall asleep at night. This is yet another great way to make all your dreams come true!
Warm Regards,Ellen Whitehurst"

Possession or Possessions

Being owned, being possessed worries me.

Image - copyright 1998 Lo Scarabeo S.r.l. The Four of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in possession. I choose not to be bound, identified, or paralyzed by ownership, possessions or means in order that I may always have a free hand and room to grow. I am practical, responsible, and determined about protecting my purpose or advocating for my resources. I am empowered by the status quo and my asset is value.

Being popular, being 'in demand,' is a worrying concept for me. I don't really allow myself to be liked or needed. It tends to make me feel -- well -- weird. I know, I know. If I didn't like to be liked, then why do I volunteer at the cattery or help listen to my girls or listen to folks at work. Why? Do I want to be liked? Do I want to be accepted? Sure. I want to be liked. Sure. I want to be someone who is looked for as a necessary ingredient in the mix of people at an office. Sure. I want to be needed at the cattery. But being needed has the automatic responsibility of how to say 'no' to folks who need too much and makes me worry about how to balance my priorities with people who need me. My weekends essentially are gone at this point because I spend so much of my time at the cattery and return exhausted and needing long naps to recuperate. My mid-mornings to early afternoons each weekday are gone now with my part time job. Note, I am not complaining about these two obligations. It is just that time trickles away. I am not sure whether I can handle a third job. I just don't know whether I can go right after my 2 pm quitting time directly into another job that will run until 6 pm in the northern part of the county. My commute will increase, my time with my cats will decrease. My bank account will have potentially 10 more hours of fees that the clients will pay. But at the trade off of helping a long time client who has a prior claim on my loyalty although not on my bank account. Balance. Balance. What to do? I need the quiet of my cats to consult with on this issue before broaching it with my client. Self possession or possessed by possessions. Tough to decide somedays around here.


Until peace, may all beings know peace.

Mental Attitude and the Election

The little engine that could....'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can' could easily be used to define this amazing run for the presidency that came to a successful vote yesterday. I gave up watching the news last night because of the constant flux in the voting results for Virginia. And woke up twice last night. First to a phone call from my youngest daughter about Obama's win. Second to a text message from my older daughter again about Obama's win. I got up this morning at 5 am because I couldn't contain my happiness at the outcome. I don't know when I have been so 'invested' in an outcome. As a Buddhist, I know that's not a good thing -- investing in outcomes. Staying in the moment is better. But as a long-time resident of Red State Virginia, I knew this would be a tough fight for Obama and the democrats. And especially for Obama because Virginia was the headquarters of the Confederacy and we still have folks who celebrate the Confederacy (with a capital 'C') as well as have rebel flags flying in the state. In fact, our major roads (outside of the Fairfax County area) are renamed for confederate generals and raiders. "Mosby Woods", John Mosby Highway, Lee Highway are just a few that come to mind immediately. It is very confusing to those who haven't lived 'in-state' long. So this election was all about the mental attitude of those who organized it, ran hundreds of volunteer phone and organizing groups, and get out the vote volunteers. "I think I can" which became Obama's chant of "Yes, We Can" is now "Yes, We Did". And I am happy from the bottom of my heart.